August 19 2016

 

elb2 We maintain a quixotic schedule this week as the news flow is slow and thus today is a summer special edition to take us through the weekend…or perhaps keep you amused on your sun lounger if that is your wont next week. (We will be back with regular Exchange Invest Daily bulletins from Monday).

 

In the parish, UK antitrust authorities are perhaps heading for “remedies” with the Trayport takeover (qv  Intercontinental Exchange Statement). ASX profits up 7% for the year which is encouraging but then again as they are a monopoly… NZX profits up a more encouraging 10%. In the end DB1 have reached an 89% acceptance rate after extensions, extensions and a general sense of dysfunction being a proxy for management. The Merger of Equal Desperation is now 178 days in and has about 173 days to go before (basis NYSE DB1 discussion) EU authorities are in the zone to show antitrust reason to the misguided parties. Meanwhile, Nasdaq received an extension of their Market Surveillance Contract With BM&FBOVESPA – a good extension in making Brazilian markets better…and no, it doesn’t include monitoring Brazilian gas stations for throngs of wayward American swimmers…*

 

*Speaking of which apologies I was not on Fox News last night but in a holding pattern to go live, all of a sudden the Brazilian police press conference understandably took precedence over my far less mainstream appearance!

 

Anyway it has been overall a good week to have the offices closed and who knows I might even get an afternoon off today.

 

Meanwhile, to occupy you through the weekend, today I’m producing some useful hints and tips to get you through the rest of the August holiday period. Our Summer Special Exchange Invest begins here:

 

An Apology

 

First up, Exchange Invest owes you an apology. Actually, I Patrick L Young, owe you a personal apology. Exchange Invest endeavours to keep up with the news in and around the market structure parish but we missed something significant a few weeks back. So, I am sorry and would like to profusely apologise for this oversight:

 

Yes, the delightful dealmakers paradise and purveyor of cotton candy cake on special occasions, the Four Seasons restaurant, closed in the Seagram Building in mid-July and Exchange Invest didn’t mention it at the time. Shameful oversight and something clearly noticed by the 0.00005% of the subdivision of the 1% folks Bernie Sanders loves to hate.. Here’s how Bloomberg discussed it: The Last Days of the Legendary Four Seasons Restaurant. True it is likely to be re-established in another central Manhattan building next year but it will clearly be different from that famously Rothko-free Philip Johnson / Ludwig Mies Van Der Rohe interior. Good luck to the small coterie of hyper-regulars who are presumably undergoing intensive trauma therapy in the Hamptons as I type…

 

Summertime solidarity in action…

 

That leaves us with the question of where to go during the summer holidays… At this stage we could exhort you to send us your holiday pics or offer gushing coverage of parish CEOs in their vineyards or wherever they spend their downtime. However, we instead suggest you study how to party like a British trades union leader. Yip, as the UK is suffering rail strikes on nebulous grounds, the leader of the oxymoronically branded Unite, has been at the Hotel de Paris in Monte Carlo. Not the usual place for worker solidarity methinks but clearly “Red Len” McCluskey enjoys a good glass of ‘LPR’ pink champagne to accompany his firebrand image. The Louis XV remains a spectacular dining experience and the Bar Americain is quite the most delightful saloon in the Principality of Monaco… Who would have believed it? I find myself rather appreciating the luxury taste of a British trades union leader.

 

Meanwhile to keep you occupied on your sun lounger:

 

Summer Parish Puzzle Section

 

Word Puzzle:

 

Did you know if you type “Financial Technology” into an anagram generator, the answer is:

“ethnological infancy.”

 

Yip, couldn’t agree more myself…

 

Check it here for yourself: Anagram Solver

 

History Round:

 

  1. Place the following in order of oldest to newest

 

  • Machu Picchu
  • The Taj Mahal
  • Stonehenge
  • The Alamo
  • Charles Babbage’s Difference Engine
  • The LCH Computer System
  • Swift’s payments technology backbone

 

Odd one out round:

 

  1. To be CEO of Euronext, it is it is vital to be

 

  • French
  • French
  • French
  • French
  • Belgian

 

Tricky Shareholder Maths:

 

Order the DB1 Vote Acceptance Sequence:

 

  • 100
  • 51
  • 65
  • 75
  • …whatever number we can get away with, let’s do the deal.

 

Point to Ponder:

 

  • Is LME CEO Garry Jones, Wales’ most famous Frenchman or France’s most famous Welshman?

 

(that ought to get the kids off Pokemon Go, speaking of which, more below…).

 

Bigworld Time Saver: Understand all the summer gossip in one simple paragraph:

 

Meanwhile in Bigworld, summer celebrity gossip media is in full swing (this is generally as childish as the Brexit ‘remoaner’ mainstream media but presumably more accurate). So you are now up to date with all of the page 6 and beyond news, here’s the low latency surmise; Somebody I have never heard of is now to be found on a beach you wouldn’t find me going to with somebody else I have never heard of who used to star in something I never watched. Last week several of them were seen frolicking on a yacht in the Mediterranean with other people I have never heard of, which they probably rented from Eddie Jordan or Vijay Mallya. This latest romance is apparently true love…so expect to see them next week in the Caribbean with somebody completely different.

 

Understanding the latest craze: Pokemon Go

 

So, if your children are suddenly fixated with walking and random pausing in the street as they try to capture something – they are clearly themselves captive to Pokemon Go. There is something good about Pokemon Go as it involves teens exercising. Indeed it is  amazing to realise teens can move outside of the range of Playstation, phone charging station and fridge, into a whole new habitat akin to the outside world.

 

If you don’t understand it – the rules are simple. Your aim is to get through lots of levels by capturing different kinds of creature all of which have different powers. If you can’t manage to capture them immediately by throwing little balls at them, you can offer incentives in the form of Raspberry phizz which is a delectable treat which makes them more pliant. If you don’t follow the concept, think of it as incentives like payment for order flow or market maker subsidies.

 

In case you are not up with the latest characters in the series, here’s a quick update on some key Pokemon Go characters, so you can sound knowledgeable to your offspring:

 

Sprechmonchan: By far the most powerful of all in Pokemon Go, the “Sprech” cannot be captured. Quite the opposite. In fact, Sprechmonchan has the power to leverage your raspberry phizz and use it to enslave you in a delightfully structured deal where you first think he’s buying your subsidiary which doesn’t quite work out and then he comes back to consume you whole…

 

Gillbat: Spectacularly interesting urbane character. Fights back with entertaining barbs and a rapier wit. Very difficult to capture as rarely spends more than a few moments in the same place…

 

Bobmander: Most athletic figure in Pokemon Go. Strides like a colossus, very difficult to catch.

 

Kengiepuff: Usually easiest to capture by suggesting you want to listen to it. Then pull at its cape to reveal an absence of cross margining behind his elaborate structure. At this stage deploy an antitrust capsule and Kengie disappears in a puff of hubris.

 

Xavweedle: Actually the one character you don’t need to catch as the downside is in captivity he tends to micromanage the rest of your team. Delivering a dose of raspberry phizz may not work, much better to offer him a glass of claret and a wodge of notes to join your opponents.

 

Armed heads up, I think you can head off into summer and work out your Pikachu’s for yourself…

 

“Normal” (whatever that means) Exchange Invest Daily service will resume Monday – enjoy the rest of summer or whichever season may be upon you!

 

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